Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously
would rather be
an emasculated, infantile complaind. This note should be pretty
easy to understand.
All the warnings from the Punk Rock 101 Courses
over the years, it's my first
introduction to the, shall we say ethics involved
with independence and the
embracement of your community has been proven to be very true.
I haven't felt the
excitement of listening to, as well as creating
music, along with really writing
something for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words
about these things, for
example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic
roar of the crowd
begins. It doesn't affect me in the way which it did for Freddie
Mercury, who seemed
to love and relish the love and admiration from the crowd, which
is something I totally
admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any of you. It
simply isn't fair to you,
r to me. The worst crime can think of would be to pull
people off by faking it,
pretending as if I'm having one 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as
though I should have a
punch-in time clock before I walk out on-stage. I've tried everything
within my power
to appreciate it, and I do, God believe me, I do, but it's not
enough. I appreciate the
fact that I, and we, have affected, and entertained a lot of
people. I must be one of
the narcisists who only appreciate things when they're alone.
I'm too sensitive, I need
to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm. But, what's
sad is our child. On
our last three tours, I've had a much better appreciation of
all the people I've known
personally, and as fans of our music. But I still can't get out the
frustration, the guilt,
and the sympathy I have for everybody. There is good in all of
us, and I simply love
people too much. So much that it makes me feel too
fucking sad. The sad little
sensitive unappreciative pisces Jesus man! why don't you just
enjoy it? I dont know! I
have a of a wide who sweats ambition and empadny, and a daughter
who reminds me to
much of what I use to be. full of love and joy, every
person she meets because
everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies
me to the point to where
I can barely function. I cant stand the thought of Frances becoming
the miserable
self destructive, deathrocker she become. I have it good, very
good, and I'm grateful,
but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all
humans in general. Only
because it seems so easy for people to get along and have
empathy. Empathy only
because I love and feel for people too much I guess. Thank you
from the pit of my
burning nauseas stomach for your letters and concern during the
last years. I'm too
much of a neurotic moody person and I don't have the passion
anymore, so remember,
it's better to burn out, than fade away. Peace,
love, empathy, Kurt Cobain.
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going
Courtney for Frances
for her life which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE
YOU. I LOVE YOU!